Words are powerful for building and tearing down relationships. There are some things your husband needs to hear you say.
You eventually hit that point where you’ve spent more of your life with your spouse than any other person in your life. At 26 years of marriage, my husband and I whizzed past that milestone several years ago.
Quite frankly, it amazes me that 26 years is now considered a significant achievement. While I don’t think I deserve a gold medal for going the distance, I do believe these two and a half decades have taught me a few things about making a relationship work.
One big lesson I’ve learned over the years is that people don’t make very good mind readers. As the years pass by, it’s easy to become so comfortable and accustomed to your spouse that you just assume he knows how you feel about him. I mean, hey you’ve stuck around this long…surely he knows how important he is to you!
But assumptions don’t make for the clearest communication. Our married life can end up mirroring those predictable movie plots propelled by words left unsaid. Where would the typical romantic plot line be without misunderstandings and unspoken sentiments?
However, aren’t we guilty of doing the very same thing in our all-too-real lives? Strong relationships require clear communication. This keeps both parties on clear footing.
I wrote a post a while back, Small Acts Of Love Build Strong Relationships. In that post I listed these 8 things as a part of a longer post, so I’m coming back to elaborate a little more on the significance of each.
We don’t have too much trouble envisioning a woman’s interest in her appearance. But what about men? Now, your husband may not care one lick how others view him, but he cares about what you think; whether he ever voices it or not.
Let him know that you still love the way he looks. Tell him when you like a particular color or style on him…there’s a good chance you’ll start seeing it more often. Your husband needs to hear you say that he’s still got it!
It’s so easy to take little things for granted. But, if you sat down to make a list, you might quickly discover that all those little things add up to a whole lot! Let him know how considerate it is of him to scrape the windshield on icy mornings, so you don’t have to or that he stops on the way home to pick up a loaf of bread.
His contribution to the family shouldn’t only be financial. It’s important that he sees how his talents and skills help on the home front as well.
My husband knows how much I hate confrontation. So, he’s usually the one who handles the service calls to the internet company when we lose service. He knows how to get things done and I make sure to tell him that. It’s not a huge thing in the scheme of life, but he deals with those little frustration that can seem pretty huge at the time.
The world can have a way of beating us up. Your home should be a safe place where he doesn’t have to prove a thing. Build him up by pointing out his strengths and skills. Even if he’s facing trouble at work or is feeling undervalued, he can know you recognize what he has to bring to the table. The more you say it, the more he’ll believe it. Your husband needs to hear you say that you believe in him.
Let him hear you bragging to someone else about something he’s done. Remember, if you’re a team, his success is your success. The opposite is also true, if you belittle or tear him down in public, you end up looking bad in the process. After all, you are the one who chose to marry him. Your husband needs to hear you say you’re proud of him in public.
Husbands recognize how important mamas are to their kids. But, they also want to feel like they are making a significant contribution to the family, even when the kids are grown and gone.
My kids share characteristics of both of us. But every now and then my husband just clicks with something they’re going through. He’s able to share and relate to them in a way I can’t, so I make sure to point out when he’s made a special connection that I couldn’t.
It’s OK to say that Dad knows more about something than you do. Moms don’t have to have all the answers. Let your kids hear you tell stories of cool things your husband did to win your heart and how he continues to do so.
Sometimes it’s just easier to do everything yourself. You think you’re making things easier for everyone by not asking for help. But, relationships are meant to be two-way. So, don’t be afraid to ask him to do something for you and tell him how much you appreciate that he does it.
It’s hard to live with an island.